A different pathby Charlene on Wednesday, June 12, 2013 (5 comments)
I wrote up a super long post. Preview post ate it.
I admit that it was a long self pity party of a post. About how my little pile of dreams and goals for racing has met their end. It is hard and emotional to let go but emotionally and physically I am tapped out. It is just not worth it to train for months and months without a niggle to just get injured or sick right before a race. It is also not fulfilling to me to train conservatively and safe just to run endless half marathons with no improvement. Or to just run more miles and harder workouts to hit the same plateau I have been at for years now. I really enjoy training but am so very weary of the failure at the end. This year I had high hopes that everything would come back together as I was finally able to train like I needed to to make a breakthrough. But things did not work out and my return to running after my last injury has been really horrible. Every run is like a horrible recovery run and I hate it. It is clear that I will not be able to return to normal training and mileage anytime soon and this summer is over as far as any racing goals. This is a final blow that really broke me.
I will still run but I am not really sure where I am going anymore. For this summer and perhaps for good it will just be for fitness. I will still do workouts but not to get ready for a race but to just gain some sense of fulfilment over little victories where I can somewhat control the conditions. I need some new goals in my life. It is really hard to give up racing as I used to love it so much.